Meeting Your Ex Boyfriend
If you've gotten to the point where your ex wants to meet up with you, you've probably done a few things right. He misses you. And not just to where a simple phone call or text conversation will cut it; your exboyfriend physically needs to see you, and that's always a good sign.
So what happens next? Does he want you back, or is this just a friendly face-to-face sit down?
Even more important, what should you say? How should you act? You've been wanting him back ever since he broke up with you, but is this something you should tell him when you see your ex for the first time since the breakup?
When Should You See Your Ex?
Understand that first, under no circumstances should you push for a meeting with your ex. He should be the one to suggest it, and it should happen after a couple of good phone calls filled with nothing but positive contact.
Whether your exboyfriend reached out first through text messages, or calls, or whatever; all that matters is that he now misses you so much he has to see you. This puts you in the driver's seat for what's to happen next, which means you need to be very careful not to blow it.
Again, it's very easy to scare your ex away here. Push too hard for anything, and you might find him backing off. The second most important thing to remember about the reunion date is to keep it simple and uncomplicated. The first? To keep it comfortable. For the both of you.
What if Your Ex Hasn't Asked to See You Yet?
If your ex is communicating with you, but you're having trouble warming him to the idea of meeting with you, he still could be gunshy about the breakup.
First, learn these reconnection techniques designed exclusively for getting him to want you again. Following these methods will change even the most stubborn exboyfriend's mindset, while planting the seeds that force him to need you back in his life.
If he even hasn't called you, that's fine too. Be sure to check out these ways to get your ex to call.
Prerequisites for the Reunion Date
Remember: before your ex boyfriend will even meet up with you, a bunch of things have to happen. You've probably followed all the steps necessary to get him to this point, or maybe he was just missing you so much you were able to skip a couple of them.
Here they are, and they must be done in this order:
- First, you made sure he knows you've ACCEPTED THE BREAKUP. An ex will always avoid you until you've done this very critical thing, and until he knows you've given up on trying to get back together with him (at least for now), he's never going to see or communicate with you. Accepting things for what they are will earn your exboyfriend's respect.
- Next, shortly after he dumped you, you COUNTER-REJECTED YOUR EX. This is easy to do, even if your breakup already happened, so learn that step before doing anything else. Once you've shown your ex that you not only accept but actually agree with the breakup, you're aligning your interests in a way that makes you allies. Instead of chasing him or begging him to take you back, you're suddenly on his side.
- After that, you completely DISAPPEARED FROM HIS LIFE. This is popularly known as the 'no contact' phase of the breakup, and it's a tremendously necessary step if you want your ex to miss you again. No contact is precisely that: no Facebook likes, no Instagram comments, no calls, no emails, no text messages between you and your ex boyfriend. Your goal is to become so rare and scarce that your ex has time to miss you, and even better, wonder exactly what you've been doing (and with whom).
- Toward the end of the no contact phase you MADE YOUR EX MISS YOU by creating longing. Instead of getting to talk to you every day, your boyfriend can't even find you. Instead of being filled with all the texts you'd send each other, his phone is empty. Because you've gone away, your ex boyfriend actually misses you, and the complete lack of contact will trigger nostalgic memories in his head as he realizes that maybe, just maybe, he might lose you for good.
- Your boyfriend's lack of action will FORCE HIM TO FACE LIFE WITHOUT YOU. This is something he doesn't have to do if you stick around, staying in his life, trying to remain "friends" with him after the breakup. Because you're so utterly and mysteriously gone, your ex boyfriend actually has to face the idea that he can't get you back. This is something he's always thought he could do, and now you've cast a looming shadow of doubt over it.
- This is about when you can MAKE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND JEALOUS by reappearing not in his life, but within a new life of your own. Going out, having a great time, laughing - doing all these things with friends and family, and in places your ex or his friends will eventually see? These are the things that make your ex boyfriend take serious notice of you again. Even if it seems he's been ignoring you since the breakup.
Once you've accomplished the above steps, any contact you make with him will be well recieved. He won't be wary of your motives, since you've apparently moved on. He'll be curious about your new life, since he hasn't seen or heard from you. Finally, you'll have waited long enough for nostalgia to play a serious role in any possible reconciliation.
You and your ex have a past history together of good times and great things you did together. You can use those memories to bring back and then strengthen old emotional ties that you both still feel. But as with most things regarding an ex boyfriend, you have to do it slowly and carefully.
How to Suggest Meeting With Your Ex Boyfriend
If your ex hasn't already asked you to see him, this is pretty simple and straightforward. After you texted a while, or talked a few times on the phone, just say:
"Look, this whole going back and forth on the phone thing is getting old. Why don't we meet up for coffee or lunch or something? That way we can catch up with each other face to face."
Your ex should readily agree to this. And remember, seeing you is going to make him just as nervous as you seeing him. There should be no reason for you to be iffy about it, and in fact, you should sound totally confident when you make the suggestion. Confidence is king.
What to Say and Do When You Meet Up with Your Ex
Okay, so you talked to him. He agreed to meet you. And now? You're about to see your exboyfriend for the very first time since he broke up with you. Your nerves are SHOT.
The truth is, your ex is just as nervous to see you too. So RELAX. Keep cool, and act as if it's nothing. If you have to, train your mind to believe you're about to see an old friend.
If you're too nervous, you could talk too much. You could say the wrong things. You could chatter away without ever shutting up, giving your boyfriend no chance to say what's on his mind.
On the flip side, you could also NOT talk enough. In this case you'd be so quiet that your reunion date would be filled with all sorts of awkward pauses. And you sure as hell don't want those.
Think back. Remember your relationship? The beginning, when you first fell in love, and everything was extremely comfortable between you? Think of those times. Fall back into the same comfort level you had when the two of you were doing well as a couple, but before all the awkwardness that came with fighting and arguing.
When talking with your ex boyfriend face to face for that first meeting, remember the following:
- DON'T tell your ex "how much you missed him". At best, you'll come off as overly eager to see him. At worst, you'll come off as needy or desperate.
- DON'T talk about the breakup. This subject will invariably spiral into a giant blame game, with both of you pointing fingers at each other.
- DON'T hound your ex boyfriend for details about where he's been, what he's been up to, or especially, who he might be seeing. This is a reunion date, not an interrogation.
- DON'T mention much about your past relationship together. You want to keep the conversation on the present and future, and not look like youre dwelling in the past.
- DON'T talk too much. If possible, let him do most of the talking. Engage him about whatever he's talking about, so he elaborates. This will make him comfortable.
- DON'T make any of the 7 colossal mistakes people make when talking to their ex for the first time after a breakup.
If you can avoid doing any of the above, your meeting will go just fine. But if you want it to go great? Think about these things:
- DO tell your ex "it's good to see you again". This is nice for him to hear, it's the truth, and it makes you seem interested without being overly so.
- DO ask your ex what he's been up to, just don't pry. Work? School? Whatever he's been doing should be an interesting topic for you to catch up on.
- DO let your ex know what you've been up to yourself, but don't go into too many details. In short, let him worry (and speculate). You still want to remain a mystery in some ways, at least until he's dating you again.
- DO let your exboyfriend do most of the talking. Listen to what he says. Watch his body language. Look for clues that he might be overly friendly or outright flirting with you again.
- DO cut the meeting short if you can. You don't want it to drag on too long, and by keeping it short you appear as if your social life is so busy you have only limited time for him. You'll also leave him wanting more.
Think of it this way: your ex is already interested in you again. If he wasn't, he wouldn't be coming anywhere near you for fear of leading you on. Whether he wants you back as a girlfriend or not is the question right now.
So during the reunion date with your former boyfriend? Really spend some time feeling him out. There will always be signs when an ex boyfriend wants you back. By learning what these signs are, as well as which signals he'll give off when he's still interested, you can get a better idea of where you stand with him.
The Full Step-by-Step Plan for Getting Back Together Again
In trying to change someone's mind after the broke things off, it's easy to feel lost. There will be times you think you see a glimmer of hope between you, and other times when you're sure your ex is just plain uninterested.
Instead of trying to 'wing it' with whatever you intend to do, it's always best to have a PLAN. That's where relationship expert T.W. Jackson comes in, author of the infamous and controversial Magic of Making Up.
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